Tag Archives: poetry

Unmotivated Heart

It’s going to be dark.

I apologize.

It’s where my mind has been

For the past while.

I watched from 30,000 ft.

Cities were twinkling,

Prettier than the stars,

Blacker than a new moon.

The edges of the earth

Were smoldering,

A smoky black blending crimson.

A sight different from routine.

The sunset was long over,

But the sun was hanging on,

Stubborn and unrelenting

Not letting the day get away.

Some would say it was divine,

Beautiful or bewitching,

But I saw a war,

Of life trying to fight on.

Twinkling towns unconcerned,

Of the fire raging above them,

Only perceptible to those above,

Or those who pay attention.

The day was not ready to sleep,

To give up its purpose of the light,

Too much baggage left behind,

An undying noose that won’t fray.

It hung on longer that night,

Using its rays to burn into the horizon,

Until it was well on the other side,

Fading just before dawn.

Could my heart create colors like the sun?

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20 years later…

My heart still searches.

Nothing I write comes out right,

When I try writing about you.

You are my biggest secret, its true.

I locked you away, guarded by a knight.

My heart still searches.

I pretend memories don’t exist.

Left in the desert of my mind.

I think its easier to be blind.

It’s not safe, even for a quick tryst.

My heart still searches.

It took me 15 years to hear a story.

Knowing nothing about you was safer.

Using the future as an eraser.

You deserved more, deserved glory.

My heart still searches.

For I remember all that is possible.

The moments right before I was told,

Your watch on mom’s arm, old & gold,

Kneeling by the casket, the impossible.

My heart still searches.

You’re the secret I hold dear, for fear,

If I say too much, I won’t be able to recall,

That I’m the girl that jumped at your call,

From the swing, to greet you with cheer.

My heart still searches for your voice in my ear.

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I’m here for now….

I float above the skies,

where I am untouchable.

I am finally somewhere

you have to look up to me.

You can’t escape my tears.

The more I need,

the bigger that they become,

so that you feel like drowning.

The pain comes in low rumbles,

clouding your sight of all light.

until only my image can appear,

a constant reminder.

The worst is yet to come.

When you can do nothing

but look until your eyes hurt,

flowers will grow in spite of

the wallowing bird songs.

A sign that I am all gone

except for the mark that

I finally made on your heart.

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Place for Rent.

You.

My conundrum.

Quandary.

Riddle.

Poser.

Need to get a new hangout,

In another stellar mind.

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To Save Myself

I’m not a parent

I have no offspring

No one with my eyes

Not even my smile

 

And yet…

 

I’m up to my elbows

In squeaks and squawks

Hair is going wild

What is a shower?

 

New language of the tongue

Combine making phrases

Of I said so’s and

Do not disrespect me!

 

I sound my like mother

Oh how can this be?

When did my life turn

Into a party for twenty-three?

 

My name is now obsolete

No lover can save it

No more a name but phonics

That crawl up the spine

 

How do they do it?

They will pull you in

Straight from the chest

Till your glasses are rosy

 

I have chosen this

Unorthodox way of life

Of spending a year

With not my spawn

 

Force thyself to be

The one who holds

Their worlds in the

Pit of my stomach

 

Taking the time to

Cast, form, and shape

The incorruptible

Citizens of my heart

 

Noting each day

I must bear to be

In their constant

Unwavering presence

 

This way I must be

When June 21st appears

My world will hush

A wet smile on my face

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I grew up in an old world.

I grew up in the old days

That only exists in stories

Of walks in icy cold tundra

Miles and miles to school.

 

Except my icy cold tundra was

The Sunshine State golden glow

With heat that soaks your skin

And rain that’s an afternoon feature.

 

I grew up on a long street

That wasn’t run by adults

No homeowners association

No debates about grass heights

 

Instead, five curious minds

Whose eyes saw everything

The gray house on the corner

To the giant flower magnolias.

 

They were the kings and queens.

The explorers, the architects

And the landscapers of their world.

They were the creators.

 

Roaming free, sun up to sun down.

No part left untouched

Only to stop to lay under the trees

To watch the sun play with the leaves.

 

Their world wasn’t crowded

With impossibilities and necessities

Their world survived on old magic

Eyes that imagine and believe

 

From the first peek out the window

Checking if life had opened its eyes

Sunlight dipping through the blinds

Showing them the escape from darkness

 

From season to season the stories changed

But the canvas grew up with them

Accommodating the stretches and pulls

Of where their laughs would take them.

 

Often times it led their world to stretch

So far into their dreams giving comfort

As their adventures came alive

In front of their eyes like a movie screen

 

Always questioning and pushing

The boundaries of what’s beyond

Reaching out with their hands

Easing the grip on their childhood.

 

I grew up on this street.

There is a girl with blonde curls

Peeking out from behind a tree

Eyes twinkle with a secret.

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Missed Exit

On the highway,
I’m in the fast lane,
But cars still pass by.
So many parts of me,
That I’m happy to be,
But I’m missing scraps.
You have to smile,
When your life is blessed,
Just out of respect.
Life is so fulfilling
Yet undeserving
If my heart is silent.

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Anger

Total Disregard

When I’m treated like a person

With no head or mind

 

It’s a parody

How you don’t think I see her

Apparently blind

 

Already a child

Of a single parent life

I know the clear signs

 

The slow rolling tears

Are proof that I live in fear

The nightmare is real

 

How I live with this

Uncontrollable control

Calm before the storm

 

Don’t even speak to me

About how I deal with my

Heart’s crumbling pieces

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Just Another Day

I’m just a girl with words

trying to decipher a code

that society will comprehend.

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Harsh

You love me

But we

Are not the love

Of two

People who seek

To free

The beating, soft hearts

Of who

We will be

When time

Runs out for us

But the

Love of us

Will keep

Us alive into a

Never ending

Life of longing.

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