Tag Archives: heart

Unmotivated Heart

It’s going to be dark.

I apologize.

It’s where my mind has been

For the past while.

I watched from 30,000 ft.

Cities were twinkling,

Prettier than the stars,

Blacker than a new moon.

The edges of the earth

Were smoldering,

A smoky black blending crimson.

A sight different from routine.

The sunset was long over,

But the sun was hanging on,

Stubborn and unrelenting

Not letting the day get away.

Some would say it was divine,

Beautiful or bewitching,

But I saw a war,

Of life trying to fight on.

Twinkling towns unconcerned,

Of the fire raging above them,

Only perceptible to those above,

Or those who pay attention.

The day was not ready to sleep,

To give up its purpose of the light,

Too much baggage left behind,

An undying noose that won’t fray.

It hung on longer that night,

Using its rays to burn into the horizon,

Until it was well on the other side,

Fading just before dawn.

Could my heart create colors like the sun?

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20 years later…

My heart still searches.

Nothing I write comes out right,

When I try writing about you.

You are my biggest secret, its true.

I locked you away, guarded by a knight.

My heart still searches.

I pretend memories don’t exist.

Left in the desert of my mind.

I think its easier to be blind.

It’s not safe, even for a quick tryst.

My heart still searches.

It took me 15 years to hear a story.

Knowing nothing about you was safer.

Using the future as an eraser.

You deserved more, deserved glory.

My heart still searches.

For I remember all that is possible.

The moments right before I was told,

Your watch on mom’s arm, old & gold,

Kneeling by the casket, the impossible.

My heart still searches.

You’re the secret I hold dear, for fear,

If I say too much, I won’t be able to recall,

That I’m the girl that jumped at your call,

From the swing, to greet you with cheer.

My heart still searches for your voice in my ear.

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I’m here for now….

I float above the skies,

where I am untouchable.

I am finally somewhere

you have to look up to me.

You can’t escape my tears.

The more I need,

the bigger that they become,

so that you feel like drowning.

The pain comes in low rumbles,

clouding your sight of all light.

until only my image can appear,

a constant reminder.

The worst is yet to come.

When you can do nothing

but look until your eyes hurt,

flowers will grow in spite of

the wallowing bird songs.

A sign that I am all gone

except for the mark that

I finally made on your heart.

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To Save Myself

I’m not a parent

I have no offspring

No one with my eyes

Not even my smile

 

And yet…

 

I’m up to my elbows

In squeaks and squawks

Hair is going wild

What is a shower?

 

New language of the tongue

Combine making phrases

Of I said so’s and

Do not disrespect me!

 

I sound my like mother

Oh how can this be?

When did my life turn

Into a party for twenty-three?

 

My name is now obsolete

No lover can save it

No more a name but phonics

That crawl up the spine

 

How do they do it?

They will pull you in

Straight from the chest

Till your glasses are rosy

 

I have chosen this

Unorthodox way of life

Of spending a year

With not my spawn

 

Force thyself to be

The one who holds

Their worlds in the

Pit of my stomach

 

Taking the time to

Cast, form, and shape

The incorruptible

Citizens of my heart

 

Noting each day

I must bear to be

In their constant

Unwavering presence

 

This way I must be

When June 21st appears

My world will hush

A wet smile on my face

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Missed Exit

On the highway,
I’m in the fast lane,
But cars still pass by.
So many parts of me,
That I’m happy to be,
But I’m missing scraps.
You have to smile,
When your life is blessed,
Just out of respect.
Life is so fulfilling
Yet undeserving
If my heart is silent.

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Anger

Total Disregard

When I’m treated like a person

With no head or mind

 

It’s a parody

How you don’t think I see her

Apparently blind

 

Already a child

Of a single parent life

I know the clear signs

 

The slow rolling tears

Are proof that I live in fear

The nightmare is real

 

How I live with this

Uncontrollable control

Calm before the storm

 

Don’t even speak to me

About how I deal with my

Heart’s crumbling pieces

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White Flag

Even with my eyes closing fast

The thought of you still fights vast

The last thought before i sleep

Angers me because I’m weak

I spend all day going forward

But spend all night getting nowhere

My defense falls at the last stage

My bed is viewed as a cage

I can’t get out or refrain

From what truly leaves me in pain

It would be worthwhile

If i could not smile

When your image arises

In front of my eyes.

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Suffocating

Why did God create them?

To make me cry at night.

The world is covered in a shadow,

And they crawl inside my heart.

Tingling in my fingers,

but no sparkle in my eye.

It’s a wonder that they are here,

in a place that is so sacred.

Tell me to hold back,

I already can’t breathe.

Black vines wrapped up in my soul,

Of all my worries and your fears.

~Lynne

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Haunting

I drew you today,

in light and darkness,

the way you stay,

in my mind of sadness.

~Lynne

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Lost and Found

It is all said and done
Silence sitting restless
Broken tears unnerving
I sit in total patience
Waiting—
For my heart to close
The pain to be lost
In a mountain of treasures
With the last stitch made
I can move
Silence dancing around me
Anticipation with the audible rumble
Building within the rubble of my life
Patience turned into determination
SCREAM—
Chaos thrown into the silence
As the world says welcome back.
~HonestLynne

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