This feeling isn’t new.
It’s like a skydiver has taken my heart as a parachute.
Free falling.
My heart holding on as it folds into itself,
Against the pressure of the wind and the view,
The ground growing closer,
Dots becoming shapes,
Shades of green and brown
Turning into backyards and farms.
When is the cord going to be pulled?
When is the relief going to come?
So that I know that my heart
Isn’t going to go splat on the sidewalk
Next to the promises that I made to myself.
I wear my heart on my sleeve,
Not in a romantic kind of way,
But in a truth kind of way,
In a goodness kind of way.
And yet, here I am again,
Losing the ground beneath my feet,
Air getting lost on the way to my lungs,
All because I trusted myself,
To squish down the feelings that are
Fighting a civil war in my chest.
I promised I wasn’t going to allow a person to be my trigger,
But what can I do if I gave them the bullet?
Tag Archives: poet
No Control
Filed under Poetry
Overload
I spent my day
With an anxious heart.
I go on my day,
But with every beat,
I feel the unrest that
Lives behind my lungs,
Aching into every breath,
Seeping into my veins,
Turning my nerves into fire,
Causing the brain to malfunction.
Filed under Poetry
A Drift
I’m a nomad,
With a home,
Not far away
But long enough.
A pink pillow
The only clue
Where I lay,
Where I’m safe.
Breath of air
Feeds wandering eyes
Feet turned backwards
Heart looks forward.
I’m a nomad,
No clear direction
Birds fly east
Toward beginnings.
Only one pair
On the path
My fingers reach
Grasping at air.
A northern star
Fades at dark,
The story unclear,
But I’m here.
Filed under Poetry, Uncategorized
A Lost Thought
My life is a constant,
but I choose the variables.
The reactions of what life
throws in my direction,
are based on my choices
of what I decide to give
back to a world that
doesn’t know the meaning
of a slow and steady race,
but throws curve after curve,
until I lay breathing
in a corner of truth,
determining not whether
I will stand again but
rather which foot will go first,
until I stand tall enough to see
over a city of my hurdles,
that I am too strong,
to have a moment without
meaning. With no meaning,
we give up the control we
gain when we know the
weight of what we are given,
but have the knowledge to hold it
preciously in our hands, like a
feather that just might blow away.
Filed under Poetry
Self Preservation
You desend in your confidence
A hot mess in an open valley,
The pivotal pixel in any image,
The negative to my dark room.
You demand to command
With your hands on my hips
Keeping me in your space
So that only eyes are in focus.
I saw a boy I once knew
But now a jaded soul
Has replaced a smile
That was once so comforting.
So much has been spent
With tiny pieces of heart
Every time that boy asked
I gave away so effortlessly.
Senses renewed
With the feel of his lips
But the heart crumbles
With memory of its losses.
I’ve given what I can give
Without interrupting its beats
Just learning new melodies
To the pieces that still fit.
This time a man claims
For my heart in my palms
But my fingers grow around it
Saving me from harm.
His heart has grown
With pieces of me,
But I am only a fraction
Of who I once could be.
(I would love some feedback!)Filed under Poetry, Uncategorized
Gladiator
I don’t have any fight
left in me.
I find myself saying Yes,
my soul saying No.
I keep forcing the battle
into a MMA cage,
My heart still comes bruised,
rusty and wasted.
The only sign outside
are the half moon
dents implanted
in the palm of my hand.
I’m so tired,
Wanting to stay
in my bed tired,
my face in a pillow.
I need a release.
Something more than
shattering a wall
of disappointment.
Filed under Poetry
I am a beginning
I am no longer new and shiny,
The gloss has worn off from wear and tear,
I sink to the bottom of the deck,
To sit among the others who are not worthy.
Betrayal, Jealousy, Anger
A few emotions that are cancer to the heart,
A dark cloud that encompasses your soul,
Leading you to feel discarded in a hole.
It’s hard to shake a feeling so strong,
A loss of one’s worth is destructive,
Although, it can take a single good thought,
A prick of a needle to deflate the balloon.
It takes some remembering,
A jolt of electricity to kick start the mind,
To rescue the heart that is badly beaten,
Pull it up from beyond and nurse it slowly.
The end is as important as the beginning,
A person’s life sets off in directions by catalysts,
Beginnings of journeys can change a person’s life,
Webs interconnect from heart to heart.
I am a catalyst.
The first domino to fall,
I started a person’s major life journey,
My part is just now over.
Filed under Poetry
Blinded
Remember the sunset.
This line walks through my head.
A prayer?
A plea?
Damn, you make things so hard.
Hard to move,
Hard to see,
Everything just hard.
I’ve lost feeling,
intermittent joy,
my poetry is lifeless,
no great written epiphanies.
I sit
in a great dark room,
indian style,
hands in my lap.
Visitors don’t come and go,
food does not slide under the door,
just me and the silence,
the sunset painted on the walls.
Filed under Poetry
Fitting you in
I think in words,
syllables as building blocks,
a game of tetris until
the right pieces fit.
Phrases bounce around,
turning into stanzas,
til stanzas fit stanzas,
so a poem sits right here.
You are the random bolt,
the square in my round peg,
the lost instructions,
you are my monday morning.
You sit on the tip of my tongue,
waiting to dive into my throat,
so I can give you life through,
my voice that hides in the back,
I’m missing the lego piece,
that connects you to,
my inner realm that
flows out of this pen.
You are scary.
Knowing you can disrupt
with so much calm,
something so sacredly simple.
Filed under Poetry
An Everyday Girl's Outlet 