Tag Archives: anxiety

Tuesday

Today, I was stupid,
I was a human,
I made a human mistake,
A simple miscommunication,
A word slipped past my ear,
too much going on,
it missed it’s exit,
So, I end up stumbling,
blind to the quick sand at my feet,
until its up to my neck,
I had a moment to decide,
to sink or swim,

My heart feels like its going to explode,
hours after the sand has seceded,
I feel as though I am sinking,
but
I swam,
I swam,
I swam.

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Broken

You consume my every thought
That I want to put into words
But every poem that begins
Sounds like a eulogy
That I will have to give.

So, forgive me.

I can’t paint you
Into a thousand words.
The watercolors always bleed
One thought into another.

My mind doesn’t allow
Ignoring of obvious possibilities.

Imagination is a child’s play thing,
The child being my anxiety,
My mind the playground,
The ground is lava.

My hands are always slipping
Across the monkey bars.

I’m stuck in the middle,
Writing a poem,
About a poem I want to write,
About how writing that poem will break me.

Is this insanity?

Maybe if I will it hard enough,
Lily pads will appear beneath my toes,
But will I be strong enough to let go
And trust that everything won’t burn?

I’m pink with the rising heat,
Someone has a basketball,
thump,

thump,

thump.

I can feel it through my body.

I know what you are thinking,
It is not me.
It is not me.
It can’t be me.

I should be able to grab the monkey bars,
pull myself up and make it to the other side.
I should be able to put those words on paper,
hundreds and hundreds of words.

I live on paper.
That is my heart’s playground,
26 letters to rearrange at my own whim,
It is my favorite game.

You are weaved through the
thump,

thump,

thumps.

You belong on my paper.

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No Control

This feeling isn’t new.
It’s like a skydiver has taken my heart as a parachute.
Free falling.
My heart holding on as it folds into itself,
Against the pressure of the wind and the view,
The ground growing closer,
Dots becoming shapes,
Shades of green and brown
Turning into backyards and farms.
When is the cord going to be pulled?
When is the relief going to come?
So that I know that my heart
Isn’t going to go splat on the sidewalk
Next to the promises that I made to myself.
I wear my heart on my sleeve,
Not in a romantic kind of way,
But in a truth kind of way,
In a goodness kind of way.
And yet, here I am again,
Losing the ground beneath my feet,
Air getting lost on the way to my lungs,
All because I trusted myself,
To squish down the feelings that are
Fighting a civil war in my chest.
I promised I wasn’t going to allow a person to be my trigger,
But what can I do if I gave them the bullet?

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Overload

I spent my day 

With an anxious heart.

I go on my day,

But with every beat,

I feel the unrest that

Lives behind my lungs,

Aching into every breath,

Seeping into my veins,

Turning my nerves into fire,

Causing the brain to malfunction. 

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